Assistant of His Imagination
by HarleyGray
Summary: College AU. "She only needed to turn her head and watch his eyes claim every bit of sunlight within them. He radiated passion and transparence as much as he emitted anger and turbulence. She didn't warn him when she brought her lips to his, didn't hold his hand or touched his face. She simply leaned forward and claimed him." OASN: Blind character
1. Chapter 1

**_September 13th, 1998_**

She glanced at the old, wooden clock on the far wall of some frat house and made a mental note to email her counselor about a new schedule change. The night was far from over, and unfortunately, so was the party. The house was clogged with dozens of people. Every door she opened led to an orgy or some passed out boy. Outside, in the backyard, two guys were fighting and a dozen of girls, who wore very little clothes, were giggling and jumping into the swimming pool. The greater mass of people was gathered inside; some were dancing and drinking, others were trying to pick up a date (or a one night stand), and the remaining were playing beer pong.

She sighed deeply. Nobody would convince past-High-School-senior Katherine Beckett that she would find herself three weeks into college with an empty beer can in her hand and trying to escape a frat party. And what a crappy beer it was. The truth was, she was homesick. The only reminders she had of home were her mother's necklace, that she wore around the neck at every occasion, her father's CDs that ranged from Guns N' Roses and the Stones to Van Halen and Bon Jovi. Even reading her old sappy middle school diaries helped her get through the homesickness. She knew for sure that she was not the only student in all of Stanford missing home terribly; at least that cheered her up a little bit.

Checking the hours, this time on her phone, she realized that there was no point in waiting for Lanie to be done. In fact, she thought Lanie might have forgotten who insisted on bringing her to this party tonight. Taking an eyeful of the room, Kate noticed two things: One, the front door was open while more and more people screamed and "woohoo-ed" their arrival. Two, Lanie currently had another guy's tongue far down her throat. She was definitely spending the night alone.

"C'mon, Kate," she'd said, "What better way to make friends than crashing a college party?"

Well, they pretty much did not 'crash' anything. It was more of a privilege; two-freshmen-girls, too-many-cheap-drinks, and one-fraternity type of privilege.

As she sneaked into the kitchen area, Kate managed to quickly text Lanie 'Wnt bck. C U tmrw'. She doubted Lanie would be mad for being left alone at the party. It's the college world; you have to make your own moves and meet the right people. Everyone is fighting for themselves and everyone needs to make their own space. Kate decided to leave Lanie, her only true friend so far, out of this one. It was one party after all and it somewhat gives off a creepy vibe when one is completely attached to one friend and need them at all times. If you are best friends then that is normal,but if you just met, being attached hip-to-hip is frowned upon. It's a complicated-and dramatic- world that one of a freshmen girl.

She stumbled as she walked into a tiny room and wondered how sixteen guys could cook anything at all crushed inside the four kitchen walls. The light had been dimmed and so now everything seemed yellowish and blurry, but it was enough for her to spot the water that was hidden under the kitchen cabinet. However, a guy stood between her and her secret treasure.

He was sitting at one of the stools, arms resting over the table top and head slumped over them. The image was of someone who was too drunk to keep their head upright or too tired to even bother to go home. Either way, she could get to the water without waking him up. The last thing Kate needed that night was to have another drunk guy asking for 'help' to his room. Although, he didn't really look like a frat boy; no weird hairstyles or fake Hawaiian shirts with pink cargo pants. He wore all black from his socks and shoes to his jeans and sweater. His hair was shiny under the pale light and his upper body seemed to follow a soft rhythm with his breathing. He was sleeping. She wondered if he was even supposed to be there.

Kate crouched on the floor and sneaked her hand through the wood of the chair. She mentally thanked her flexibility and long arms when she pulled open the cabinet's door and found two packages of water bottles, one on top of the other. As she tried to rip open the side of the plastic with her dorm key, one of the water bottles came tumbling down. With it, a good amount from the pack fell as well.

Great, this night could not have been better. I mean, no one saw me, right? Except -

"You need help there?" his voice was raspy and sleepy-sounding which made Kate swallow hard; he sounded so extremely sexy. His long roughed hair was everywhere as he tried to push it back with his hands.

"Uh, no. Thanks. I'm good," she figured it would be best to ignore him. She could smell the heavy alcohol on his breath and given the fact that he pleased her sight, she could have done something she'd later regret.

"Are you sure?" he asked as more and more bottles came out the cabinet.

Honestly, what did she even do for that amount of bottles to topple over her? The situation was pretty awkward already; there was no need for anything else to happen.

"Yes. I'm sure. I'm just trying to reach for a bottle," she huffed, dragging out the words.

She could stretch all she wanted but by now Kate knew there was no point in hiding her misfortune. There was no way she could reach anything from where she stood. Still squatting, she looked up to him and saw him grinning like a Cheshire cat. On top of that, he was giving her a look she hated, evil and judgmental. She could almost hear him thinking 'I know you're drunk and trying to hide it won't do.'

"Agh, could you just move?" she snapped. "You're clearly seeing me struggle."

"I was sitting here first! You're the one who disturbed my beauty sleep looking for alcohol."

Ugh, Kate mentally sighed, he was so handsome. She hadn't yet taken a good look of his face, but his voice just made her melt and his arms were so well-defined through his sweater. Green. Now with a close look, she could see his sweater was not black, but of a dark green that matched so well with his skin tone. She forced her brain to stop.

"Okay, first of all, I'm not trying to find alcohol. I came here because I know they hide their water. And I think you should take your beauty sleep to somewhere where there's not a party going on."

"So you agree?" he asked and honestly, if she just kneeled right now, she could take his face on her hands and kiss those lips. "That I am good looking?"

Yes!

(But I'm also drunk.)

"What?! No," she even pulled a face "I didn't say that."

"Yep. You pretty much did," he dared and gave her that smile again, so wide and contagious anyone would think someone like him would be surrounded by friends all the time. A charismatic smile; one she doesn't have.

"Can I just get my water, please?" she asked, and tried pushing his chair to prove her point.

"Um, sure. Yeah. Sorry. Go ahead," he stood up from the seat and pushed it forward, hearing some of the bottles being dragged on the floor along with it.

Kate took one of the water bottles closest to her on the floor, and as she tried to place as many as possible back on the shelf, she grabbed one heavy bottle on the far back of the cabinet. Cheap Vodka, she saw. Can I take it?, she wondered. Is it stealing? Possibly, but these boys stole all the fun from the night so I guess eye for eye...

"All done?" he asked as he stood staring not at her, but at the white wall across the room.

She almost forgot he was there. She thought for a second if he would say anything about the alcohol. Maybe if she was nonchalant about it enough, he would not even mention it. She couldn't be the only person stealing alcohol from a party. For all he knew, she could be taking it to the other room to share it with friends or even a boyfriend. Yeah, she had an imaginary boyfriend to share this Vodka with. But looking up to him, she realized she didn't want an imaginary boyfriend. Hell, she didn't even want a real boyfriend. She wanted him. She wanted to drag him into his room and take body shots with him, feel those arms wrapping around her as he pushed her against the wall to kiss her neck, sour alcohol breath against one another.

"Yeah. Thanks." Kate was breathless.

"No problem. Would you like me to call someone to walk you back or are you good?"

Whoa okay... She did not expect that. For once, she didn't realize she was so drunk that someone would think of helping and second, plot twist! He's definitely not trying to get into her pants. Honestly, she wouldn't want to have sex with someone who tried to steal alcohol either. Such a shame though, he is so handsome. Even behind his glasses. He's much taller than her, kind of thin but muscular. Why can't they just make out here, right here on the table. Nobody would interrupt. She would even let him get to second base if he let her get her hands under his clothes.

"What. You got a curfew or something?" she said on a giggle.

Goodness gracious, Kate, you are drunk...

"Uh, no. I just don't think it would be a good idea for me to walk you back," he answered, a hint of seriousness on his voice that made her body take two uneasy steps towards him.

He has a girlfriend, totally does! And you're trying to get in his pants. You're pathetic and hella drunnk. You better get yourself together, Kate. You're just another drunk freshmen trying to steal alcohol.

"Yes. You're right. It's okay. I'll just walk by myself. My dorm is pretty close," more like three whole songs away from here... and you didn't even bring your Walkman. "Thank you," she ultimately said before starting to walk away.

Kate continued walking towards the door, but her heels betrayed her and she was launched towards the closed door like a boneless rag-doll. She felt his hand in her arm as soon as her face banged against the door. His body posture let her know that he was trying not to actually touch her, but she ignored that and held tight to his wrist. Steadying herself back onto her feet, she bent down to get her shoe strap back on her ankle. All while he stood there, motionless and not meeting her face. This could not get more humiliating!

"Uhm. You know what? I think I'm going to walk you back. Hold on a second," he said and went back to around the chair he had been previously been sitting on, stomping his right foot on the floor as if expecting to touch something with it.

"What about your curfew?" she asked, a tone of sarcasm and hurt in her voice because yes, she was hurt. She missed New York and her warm bed. She had this fascinating person in front of her trying to help her, but she was too damned drunk to make sense of it.

"Well, I think I'll be okay for tonight and I don't know how much of an asshole you think I might be, but whatever that is, I can assure you my idiotic level is not up to the point where I wear dark sunglasses inside-door at night for fun."

He reached for his cane. Oh no, he's blind.

Kate had been so busy feeling sorry for herself she didn't even notice it. Now it all made sense; looking straight to the wall while she tried to get water, not even arguing against the Vodka, not knowing about the chair until she tried to push it with her own hand, the dark sunglasses... The poor guy had to give her a long monologue so she could understand why walking her back was not a good idea. Well, now she couldn't be an asshole and say no. He had already offered... Surely he would be able to get back to the party by himself, right? Asking, or mentioning, such thing would be somewhat insulting, taking away everything he knows and judging him for being blind. For all she knew, he could know the campus better than anyone and even if he didn't, he probably knew a lot more than her, who measured distance in songs and had a maximum of four friends.

* * *

They walked in silence for the first few minutes, but it felt like hours for her. She wanted to know what he was thinking, what he was... sensing. How did the air feel against his skin? How did he know where she was walking to by just hearing the soft clicks of her heels? How did he stay upright and walked so effortlessly even though he drank enough for her to smell his breath a while ago in the kitchen? If this was any other situation, she would find herself taking shy looks whenever he wasn't looking. But now, with his face just staring into one direction and his whole posture so focused into the task at hand, she took the liberty of not watching the pavement and focusing on him. She didn't care if she fell again or if she smack her face against another door.

However, she was not trying to understand his handicap; rather, she was studying him. All of his little details; the way his brow furrows as if he was trying to recall every step of the way, how his lips were parted, making it seem like he was going to say something, the way his body was completely relaxed when she could only imagine how terrifying it'd feel like to have no clue whatsoever of what was ahead of him. She held his hand with hers, slowly intertwining their fingers. Their hands felt clammy, but neither seemed to care. She looked up to him, trying to get a reaction, but nothing really changed. His hold tightened, but slowly got back to normal. She figured it was a silent thank you.

"So uh, are you a freshman?" he asked and she wondered what gave it away.

"Actually, this is my third week here." she told him in an auto-pilot tone; she had repeated it multiple times over the past month.

"How do you like it so far? I mean, I think overall the campus is beautiful and people are really nice, but personally, the heat is killing me," he said and threw his head back to make an emphasis.

His voice was soft and sincere, mirroring the way adults talk to children. For a second, she panicked. The last thing she wanted that night was to be seen as one, especially by him.

"Really, the weather? Is that what you're going for?" she answered, a smile on her face mirroring his.

"Sorry. I was about to say I'm used to cold weather since I'm from New York, but please enlighten me, what other topics did you have in mind?" she didn't hear a word after I'm from New York. The Cheshire cat smile was back on his face, but somehow it didn't make him look judgmental or evil now. It was sweet and kind of cute.

"Oh. That's so cool because I -"

"Hey! Wait! Wait for me!" someone shrieked from a distance and both heads turned.

Kate made out that the running silhouette was a girl running to them, heeled shoes on her hands.

"Lanie?" she asked, furrowing her brows.

"Who's Lanie?" Rick mused aloud.

"Uhmm. She's my roommate. We went to the party together," Kate explained as Lanie approached them, short of breath and sweat running down her cheeks and chest.

Kate mentally scolded herself when the thought of Rick's blindness made her feel glad he couldn't see Lanie's breasts bulging out of that skin-tight dress. The wind blew at her feet, reminding her October was almost there.

"Hey, guys -Kate, I'm sorry - for leaving you behind - I thought - I thought you were having fun until I saw your message - I swear I tried looking - for you as soon as I left Matthew's room."

Kate listened carefully to her friend, and even frowned a little when Lanie mentioned Matthew and how his ex-girlfriend had appeared out of nowhere, shaming them in front of his friends. Her mind was not processing a word if she was honest. She could only think of his hand and hers intertwined like it was normal. Like they did this everyday. Like they knew each other well. Intimately well. She could feel his gaze on her even though he might not be aware of it, but it felt so intimate and secret as if they had known each other for long and this was the way they always stood, side by side .

"So?" Lanie asked in the distance.

"So what?" Kate pondered.

"Do you forgive me? Please! I promise to pay more attention next time."

She wasn't even mad. There was still a lot of alcohol in her system, but the bitterness and sadness had been washed away. She didn't want the day to end. To speak honestly, she just didn't want Him to leave. She wanted to sit with him in that bench close to her residence hall, the one looking over the fountain. She wanted to put her feet over his lap and kiss him, tell him about his lips and how kissable they looked, pecking his lips in between every word. But who was she kidding? She didn't know his name. He didn't know hers. He didn't know how she looked or where she'd come from. It would be better if she just stayed away, forget every fantasy as fast as ripping a Band-Aid. No regrets left behind; better delusional than hurt.

"Yeah, of course. No harm done, Lanie. Wanna head back home now?" Kate asked.

"Um, yeah, I guess. If you're not busy...?" Lanie motioned with her eyes to Kate's fingers still wrapped around his.

"Yeah, I'll just head back to the house. You guys take care." he said and her heart ached a little when his warm hand left hers and his cane stepped forward to find a new path.

Lanie watched him go with dozens of questions in her own mind, but every uncertainty ceased when she saw Kate launch forward, asking him to stop, reaching for his arm.

"What's wrong?" he asked. His face, and all of him, focused on the feel of her palm around his bicep and the closeness of their breaths.

"What's your name?" he smiled, not the usual bright, all-toothed smile, but a warm smile. One that made her just want to leave Lanie behind and take him to that bench of her fantasies.

"It's Rick. Rick Castle." he said but didn't get a chance to ask for hers because Kate stood on her toes, lacing her arms around his neck and bringing his face to meet hers.

A soft kiss on the corner of his lips. She didn't push for it and neither did he. They both knew the night was over and a new day had started. But she stayed there for a second or two and whispered a 'thanks' against the corner of his upper lip. She didn't want him to kiss her back, because she might actually sex-aisle her roommate and take him up to her dorm, and so she kissed him once again. Another quick peck on the same place from before. She let go of his neck, and whispered her goodnights.

"Until tomorrow," he told her and she didn't know if he was serious or not because his eyes hid under those damn heavy shadows and there was no smirk to his voice or Cheshire cat smile on his face.

The ticking of his cane echoed on the pavements as the click-clack of her heels flew on the opposite way.

"What's with the fancy walking stick and the shades though?" Lanie asked.

She didn't know if Lanie was too drunk or didn't actually have the slight clue. The latter option was plausible, though. For someone who has no idea of what's around him, Rick walked at a pretty standard pace.

"It's his cane, Lanie," she explained."Rick's blind."

* * *

 **Currently looking for a beta. I apologize for any errors or weird plot developments. Hopefully, it will get much better with the second chapter.**

 **Thank you!**

 **Reviews appreciated. Especially if you are trying to give me any advices.**


	2. Chapter 2

Like every other day for the past four years, he woke up at 8 o'clock to the soft padding of his slippers and the smell of cheap liquor flooding the house. Today the nuisance was worst but as expected of the first three weeks of school. The first round of tests quickly approached and that could only mean a reduction of parties and their attendees. Not that he wasn't aware of them before joining his brothers. There was probably not a single fraternity in the country partying fewer than six times a week.

He listened to the sweet sweep of a broom outside his door and the coffee machine from the bar. To some, it would have been an irritating tune, but he relished in the misery of his friends and their frustrated faces as they cleaned all the empty cans and dirty underwear lying around.

Just like that, a new day started.

For someone whose life is full of surprises, predictability became synonymous with peace and happiness. He would shower and head over to breakfast, laugh with his friends at the latest slushy poems required for class, and smirk at Tina for serving him with extra pancakes even if she thought he wouldn't notice.

He had very few activities that day: a meeting at 9:10 just before classes started with Professor Gibbs, two more classes back to back as usual, and another meeting about his book with Professor Yates. At least, that was what his computer said. Hopefully, it wouldn't be like the last time when he switched two appointments by mistake and ended up going to the dentist on a Friday night.

 _"I promise you guys," he argued with his friends, "the doctor said today."_

* * *

He arrived at Dr. Gibbs office a few minutes before the meeting was supposed to start, but as he entered the classroom, Dr. Gibbs rushed him to his desk and pointed to the chair, _"I have a mission for you,"_ he said right away.

"A mission? Whoa, Dr. Gibbs. I'm honored," Rick replied, sarcasm dripping from his mouth.

If Rick couldn't roll his eyes in the right direction, he would make sure to satire the man with his words. Gibbs certainly was not on anyone's list for Professor of the year, so when he called Rick a few weeks earlier about an important meeting, he had just assumed the professor picked his name out of a bucket and now it was time for some 'real literature' reprimand. He wondered what it was this time. Definitely not his novel, he criticized everything he could about it so far. Gibbs had already given him Shakespeare and Dickens' entire collection on paperback for Christmas. It wasn't even in Braille...

"Yes, a mission. One that will allow you to spend time on that book of yours while getting credit for my class," Professor Gibbs said while opening Rick's curriculum and pointing to the end of the paper. "What I have here is a copy of your transcript. It says you'll need five classes in order to graduate by December of this year. Isn't that what you want, Rodgers?"

"It's Castle, Professor," he reminded. "I talked to my adviser, Dr. Yates, and he said -"

"Unfortunately, it seems as Dr. Yates made a mistake Rodgers." Gibbs told him; correcting him for the hundredth of times seemed futile, Rick thought. "You are only taking four classes at the moment and that is why I have called you here today."

"So what," Rick said and made eye contact through the lenses, showing the never-ending frown between his eyebrows. "Your especial mission is to make me take a winter class? Is that all?"

"If there is someone you should be glaring at and showing your teeth to it would be Dr. Yates. I'm trying to help you."

"Why don't you just tell me what I have to do Professor? The class is about to start and I would like to get ahead with today's poems," as he said this a few of his classmates, all seniors like him, entered the room.

The tension was palpable but nobody bothered to say anything or even look in their direction. With Dr. Gibbs it was all hate or indifference. He never found out which one was worst.

"For your Fall Semester's fifth course, you will be taking care of one of my classes. That is, consulting with me in every one of the lessons you prepare." Gibbs said and walked to the front of the class.

He smiled, showing all of his teeth, welcoming a few of the students with a _Good morning, all_.

"You-You-h, you want me to teach one of your 300-level courses? Is that even possible?" Rick stammered, his brows creasing even more.

Gibbs never complimented any of his students. If one was stupid and everyone questioned their acceptance to the school, Gibbs would treat them the same way he would treat the class president. Something was off.

"Mr. Rodgers just because you have managed to _almost_ publish a book does not mean that I, or the English Department in this school, consider you a special gem capable of teaching an actual class. You're not the only one doing great things in an institution of this calibre."

"You think I'm doing great things?"

In any other circumstances, he would have been sarcastic and even smug about it but this was Gibbs; every word he said, he meant it. Sarcasm was childish in his opinion.

"I am saying you will be taking care of one of my electives. It is a 100-level course, but there are no requirements in order to take it. Anyone could be part of it, but expect having mostly undecided freshmen and sophomores."

"Okay...What is this class about? I mean, this is the third week of school, how many people do you think have space in their schedule?"

Why hadn't Yates said anything on the matter? Why was Gibbs, of all professors, trying to help him?

"The class will start tomorrow," Gibbs informed. "It will only take place Tuesdays and Thursdays from 1:15 until 2:50. I will send you all the information needed later today. To make matters easier, you will be assigned a student from the class to be your assistant. You may choose this student if you'd like. Now go seat and let me start my class."

Rick didn't argue anymore nor he tried to ask more questions. He simply stood up, perched the laptop bag on his shoulder, and continued to walk to take a seat at the front row.

* * *

By noon, Kate had finished all of her three classes for the day. Even if she had eight classes to take care of back in High School, Kate could easily ace them all without studying more than one or two hours every day. Nothing could compare to the burden of college classes. After lunch, all she wanted was to nap and wake up with all of her chapters outlined and ready to be memorized. Just the thought of having to read through dozens of biographies left her exhausted. She didn't really know why Philosophy was the most important subject in every lawyer's career. Thankfully, she decided to go for something she was passionate about and leave Philosophy as an elective. English was something she could do. Maybe some of the classes would even help her read between the lines in future cases. With the LSAT - Law School Admissions Test - anything was possible.

She entered one of the cafes Lanie had told her about that morning. She had promised Kate it was exactly the type of place she would love, and she was right. She loved it. The outside was pretty common. White walls with a few iron tables scattered around. A poster revealed the name: Minuti Coffee. Once inside, the atmosphere was quiet and intimate, all the things that are not expectable for a college cafe to be. It looked as if a house from Germany's middle ages had flown through time and across the sea to be perched there. Somehow, the gardens around it made it fit, as if with them, the modern buildings were also part of one picture.

"Kate! Over here!" someone shrieked from the back.

Kate looked around to see Lanie sitting in a booth by the end. As she walked closer, she also noticed her roommate had company. _Great,_ she would lose all respect if this was the same guy from the party two nights ago. Honestly, who wants more High School drama?

"Kate. That's a pretty name."

 _Oh no._

 _Oh no._

 _It was him._

"Come. Sit here," Lanie said and slid so Kate could sit next to her, facing Him. "I saw your writer boy coming through and I thought I recognized him, so I invited him to sit with us." she was smug about it, as if Kate owed her something now that she had found _her_ writer boy. Writer boy?

"She's lying, Kate," Rick smiled, such sweet and shy smile as if he was asking her permission to sit there. "She only recognized me because of my cane and the glasses."

At this accusation, Lanie grabbed his arm and comforted him, "No, Rick. Don't think that. I swear I recognized you."

Kate didn't say anything to this either, because Lanie was grabbing Rick's arm and giving it a light squeeze. It wasn't her arm. She just couldn't do that. What about Matthew? She was the one supposed to hold his hand and whisper something against the corner of his lip while no one listened, while no one else existed around them.

"Relax, Lanie. I'm joking. It's alright. I'm glad you called me over."

Kate could swear his eyes were cutting right through her.

A waitress approached their table and they ordered. An uncomfortable silence took over the booth afterwards. Lanie sipped her coffee, but her stare told Kate it was in her own hands to say something. She looked at him, not in the actual sense of 'looking at someone' but more of 'staring in admiration' kind of look. He dig one of his nails under the other, as if trying to clean the invisible dirt under them. His brows were pushed together in the always present frown. His glasses were not black this time, they were blue. Dark blue aviators that blocked anyone from seeing through them. If she didn't know, it would seem as if he was simply trying to block the sun from his face.

"Well, I have a class next soon. I'll leave you guys to it." Lanie got up the booth and Kate panicked, shaking her head, pleading, _begging_ Lanie not to leave her alone.

To make Kate only more upset and nervous, all that Lanie did was wink and point with her head to where his hand reached for hers, open and facing the air. She wanted to yell; tell her he always did that and she didn't know why, because they were nothing to each other and knew nothing about the other.

"So, um," they both said at the same time and laughed, a nervous laugh that somehow made all of this easier for her.

"Sorry, go ahead." he said.

"Lanie, uhmm. She called you a writer?"

"Uh, yeah. Kind of. I'm trying to publish my first novel before I graduate," he explained.

He seemed comfortable enough talking about it, so if she had to force a conversation for 30 minutes, that would be it. What was she going to talk about? _'I thought you'd never want to talk to me again, but I slept that night wanting your lips against mine. Not quite touching, but close enough?'_ Right, maybe not that...

"Well, you still have some time right? When are you graduating?" she took another sip from her milkshake. As long as the conversation stayed in neutral ground, she could do with someone to talk to.

"I'm actually graduating this winter. I'm a senior and my thesis is almost finished."

 _Oh._ Well, she guessed it was for the better. A senior and a freshman? Just no. He probably didn't have time for a relationship and his book occupied most of his time. By now, he might not be even interested in new friendships. Any hope she might have had currently stabbed her heart with every word: _You silly girl. You really thought you had any chance?_

"I already have an editor interested though," he continued when she didn't say anything. "He reviewed a few chapters and agreed to work with me as soon as I finish the rest."

For some reason, his excitement made him look like a child on Christmas. She thought he would jump from his seat at any moment and let everyone know _'I am publishing a book.'_ Kate smiled sweetly at him and nodded to every sentence, but he couldn't see her so she thought she should make herself present with her voice.

Thankfully, a waitress, the girl from before, arrived with more fries for him. She took the time to elaborate on more questions. _So, what's the book about? Has anyone read it? Can I read it?_ She would want to read it and hold his hand while she did, telling him every word she loved about it, every character, every line. He would sit behind her and she would rest her head against his chest. Such firm chest. His grey shirt made his lines and collarbones visible to everyone. She worried her interest in him was only physical, a whim. Could it be more than that? After one drunken night?

"Hey, would you please guide my hand?" Rick snapped her out of her thoughts as he mixed a fry with ketchup and mustard from his plate. "I don't want to walk out of here with ketchup all over my face."

"Oh. Yes, of course."

She took his hand in hers, her fingers curling around his as she guided the fry towards his mouth. He chewed softly and she wondered if his eyes were looking at hers because even if she couldn't, hers were directly trying to pierce through his.

"By the way, I can eat perfectly fine without help. I just wanted you to hold my hand, again." he said, with a smirk on his face and a sultry voice behind it. Only this time, it wasn't the alcohol. It was just him.

"Ugh," she withdrew her hand from his and gave it a playful slap but her laugh betrayed her. His boyish pout made him look a few years younger and his smile infected her, tingling every bit of her, leaving an ache in her heart and quick sparks in her fingers.

So she took his hand in hers.

She held his wrist the same way he held hers. Her body felt hot and her ears red. Kate was sure her cheeks matched her strawberry shirt. For once, she felt guilty for wanting him to see them.

"I like having your hand in mine, just because." he whispered to her. The intimacy of two nights ago still present.

"I like it, too."

It was so quiet that he wondered if she had actually said it. He wanted to touch her lips and ask her to say it once again against them, and then swallow those words with a kiss.

Quickly they shifted the course of their chat. They talked about their classes. She raised an eyebrow when he mentioned that, in fact, he was member of the fraternity they were at a few nights ago. She didn't ask how or why he'd joined, but she did ask how he liked it and if he had managed to make friends quickly. They talked about New York and how much they missed it, about their favorite coffee shop there and the small bookstore right next to it. She told him about her family and asked about his. She also fist-bumped him when they realized they were both majoring in English and that their favorite food was chinese takeout because nobody loved chinese takeout, only them.

They took turns caressing each other's wrists but didn't talk about it, not even when she pushed her bracelets back to expose more skin to his touch or when he removed his watch and placed it on the table, complaining that he only wore it as a fashion accessory.

Kate regretted the instant she glanced though because the next thing she did was break their embrace and try to erase the hurt on his face with an explanation, "I'm late for Model UN. Today is our first meeting."

Rick got up and reached for his cane, murmuring that he understood and that he had other things to do as well.

Before he had any chance to take a step, she reached for his backpack and pulled him back, "You wanna get coffee again sometime?" she asked, pulling him close so that her body met his in a way only lovers meet.

"I...," he sighed and took a deep breath, "I don't think so, Kate."

He didn't say anything else. He didn't say his book kept him too busy or that he wasn't looking for a relationship. He just softly brushed her hand off his arm and walked away. He walked slowly as if he expected her to stop him, his cane tapping around and his hand reaching slightly forward, always grabbing onto nothing but thin air.

* * *

 **I would like to thank my beta, Ana Caterina, for everything.**


	3. Chapter 3

His feet fell heavily on the balance beam, toes automatically grabbing onto the roughed surface of the leather. His hands were wide open like airplane wings, seeking for balance. He held his body in an erect posture, muscles relaxed but focused on the task at hand. Rick felt a drop of sweat fall down his neck and into his shirt, coursing its way down his spine until it reached the waistband of his pants and disappeared.

His brain tried to grasp the new surroundings; every jump was different. The worn out leather of the beam felt different under his feet, the noise in the gym became louder as he flew forward. His body took a few seconds every time to adjust itself. Rick took three steps back, closing his eyes and swung his body backwards into a perfect backflip. This time, one of his feet dangled off the beam as Rick tried to walk forward, making him lose balance and falling face down onto the mat beneath him.

He cursed himself for the tenth time that night. His body was out of sync today, betraying him in the most vital occasions. He didn't need gymnastics today. He needed a bag. A punching bag to pummel until the leather broke out and the sand came out from its creases and pooled at his feet. No matter how much exercise he did that night, he knew his brain would not stop screaming. Rick decided to take a shower instead. Maybe turning the heat all the way up would burn his skin instead, turning all of his sensory reflexes off for a while. But Rick knew nothing would stop him from staying up tonight. A wired mind would always beat a weary body.

Either way, he liked doing his gymnastics at night, the later the better. His body would be so exhausted that his brain would not even argue sleep. It worked most nights because pretty much every day was the same for him. Except when a beautiful girl tells you she might be interested in you and you acted like you didn't have time for her. Like you deserve better than someone like her, his brain pointed out. As if..!

He needed a punching bag tonight, not with sand and fabrics inside, but with his brain and goddamn eyes.

* * *

Kate and Lanie debated whether they should stay in and do homework or attend their Logical Writing class. So far, their schedule wasn't busy, so maybe they could catch up with the class that took place on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 1:15 PM to 2:50 PM. Most of their classes were about an hour longer than that, but Kate had insisted that Logical Writing would help them apply for a job later on. Lanie wasn't really convinced, but the class was just what she needed to finish one of her Pre-Med requirements and leave some more time for subjects like Chemistry and Bio.

That Tuesday afternoon, after they finished lunch, the two roommates walked into a modern stone building. Kate recognized it from her Russian class the day before. The classroom looked different than the others in the whole college. It reminded her of high school. Instead of a board, a long white screen fell from the ceiling. The seats were arranged on two semi-circles as if a class discussion had taken place earlier that day. Lanie and Kate decided to sit in the back of the outer row.

As the time got closer to strike 1:15 PM, more and more students filled the seats until almost all twenty of them were occupied. Kate asked around, in case anyone knew, who the Professor in charge was or if any textbooks had been added to their list of books to buy, but people seemed to know as much (or as little) as the two of them.

At exactly 1:15 PM, everyone had their notebooks on their desks, ready to start. Kate found herself drawing a red ink cloud around the date when someone dimmed the lights and shut the door close.

"Oh. My. God," Lanie looked at Kate with eyes open wide and a look of terror in her face. "Kate… Isn't that?"

"Rick..." Kate mumbled, propping her elbows on the desk and hiding her face. Was that really happening?

"Good afternoon, class," he said, with a huge smile on his face like a kid on his first day of school, except he wasn't one... "Now, please knock twice on your desk if this is Logical Writing."

Students glanced around with amused looks on their faces. Everybody seem to take it as a prank. Two girls who sat at the end of the front row, snickered while eyeing him from head to toe. Kate couldn't tell if they were laughing at this sick joke or at the fact he looked way too excited for an afternoon class on a Tuesday. One of the kids sitting next to her knocked twice on his desk. Everyone quieted, looking up to Rick once again to gauge his reaction.

"Thank you," he said. "Now, someone tell me if I'm alone in this classroom and a ghost just knocked on wood."

The classroom seemed to come alive at that moment, erupting into a laugh as if his joke had been the funniest thing they have heard all day. Someone else spoke, letting him now there were about 20 students in the classroom and Rick made another joke as he poked the floor with his cane and led himself to the podium.

Kate looked at Lanie. She was aware her eyes would probably soon bulge out of her head in disbelief. Lanie, like all of the other students, had fallen under the spell of his jokes and sweet charisma, but when she glanced at Kate once again, her lips trembled a little and a smirk took place instead.

"I think you forgot to mention the part where he was a professor."

"Shut up. I did not know this!" Kate's frustration crinkled her eyes, "Oh my god, Lanie." She shut her eyes tightly and laid her head on her forearms that rested over the table surface, wanting to disappear. "I flirted with a professor!"

"Don't forget kissed," Lanie added but soon backed off at the stare in Kate's eyes.

"Thank you for pointing the obvious." Kate said, jamming her pen into her jeans until Lanie took it from her hand.

"Hey at least he said no when you asked him out, right?"

"Yeah but what does that even mean?" Kate continued eyeing him as if at any moment, he could look up and see her. Her eyes scanned the room nervously before she continued, "He probably wasn't even interested in me and I just kissed him. Oh my god, Lanie."

"Didn't you say you held hands?" Lanie asked in an effort to take some blame off her friend.

"That only makes it worse," Kate whined, and continued to hide herself from the room thinking that someone could call her out.

She could already see it. Getting a hundred would be impossible if anyone found out. She could be expelled for all she knew!

"Okay guys, let's tone it down. So, my name is Richard Castle. You can all call me Castle, even Rick outside of class, but if you feel more comfortable calling me Professor I won't mind it."

He was so natural at it, like he had been doing it for years. He knew how to win people around, got them look up to him as a friend. He made people trust him with just one smile. She wondered if that's what happened to her. If, like everyone else in the room, she had fallen under his spell.

"So, I'll pass out the syllabus in a moment and we can go over it together. As you can see, I did not write it but anyone here can help themselves and read for the rest of us."

Once again, people didn't fail to miss the joke, and so the classroom laughed and even two of the kids from the front fist-bumped him. It wasn't funny, at all. But it had been a long and tiring day. For this class, everyone was expecting the most snobby and obnoxious professor on campus, one whose number one rule for writing would probably be: 'Use all the facts. Emotions don't matter'. Kate never thought of saying anything as the class dragged on. One of her classmates read parts of the syllabus, taking pauses among the paragraphs to let Rick explain.

For an hour and 40 minutes, she tried to come up with different plans to change it and give a shot to Spanish literature... she was meant to work with Hispanics as a lawyer, right? Unfortunately, three weeks and a half had passed so by now all classes had been closed off. Kate thought about dropping it for a second, but immediately erased the thought from her mind. If she dropped this class, then what would that say about her? What would future employees say about her character and endurance? What would her parents think of her commitment to her future? The more she thought about it, the more she realized there was nothing she could do.

"You're okay?" Lanie asked, lightly nudging Kate's forearm in an effort to snap her out of her thoughts. "Kate, if you want to leave, then we leave."

Kate was taken aback by her roommate's loyalty and mentally made a note to be on her good side if this secret of theirs ever came out.

"I'm fine. Don't wait for me after class today," she said.

"Alright guys, I'll see you in two days," Rick finished his class. "Be ready to get some writing done. Before you leave though, I want all of you to shake my hand and give me your name. It'll surprise you how much of a good memory I have."

The students were drawn to him like bees to honey. It was as if he was one of the most respected professors in college. Nobody skipped or tried to run away from his blindness, one by one, they were all very excited to meet him. She really couldn't blame them. He had such sweet and caring smile, such soft hands, he knew what to say and when to say it. He was probably the best of his class. Maybe that's why he got his title at such young age. Without a doubt, she could say he was the youngest professor she'd ever had.

Kate let everyone take their own turn. She allowed people to get in front of her, even Lanie. She couldn't really tell if he recognized her friend. His eyes, as always, were hidden behind a pair of dark glasses. Today he wore a simple pair, black, nerdy glasses that made his facial structure appear more symmetrical than usual. It made him even more handsome, if that was possible. As if on cue, the girls in front of her laughed, and even shared their own flirty line, when their turn with him approached. They made a comment on his walnut wood cane and how cute the glasses were.

"And your name is...?" he stretched out his hand and for a second she wondered if he could know she was standing right there.

"It's Kate. Kate Beckett." her eyes grew wide as she looked up at him, pulse so loud and untamed she could feel it coming out of wrist and neck, brows bumped together in a scowl.

His smile didn't waver. She wondered if he had even recognized her. Did he think of her as much as he thought about him? She was hurt. She had felt a connection. Yeah, maybe a futile one, but she had felt something. It became too much for Kate, so she sauntered off the classroom in four quick strides, leaving him behind along with that stupid image of the two of them cuddling in her tight bed.

"Kate, wait," he called out, jogging without his cane in a desperate attempt not to lose her.

"What?" she bit back the words, not daring to look up to his face. She could swear there was a hint of disappointment there.

"What's wrong?"

"Are you honestly asking me that?" she said, slowly modulating her tone as to not attract any unwanted attention. "Why didn't you tell me you were a professor?"

"What?"

"That's what I'm asking you. What the hell, Rick? Or should I say, Professor Castle. Do you just go out there letting students kiss you and ask you out whenever you want? Is that how you get off? By rejecting them and shaming them in front of their friends? Because it is not funny!"

She could feel her ears reddening and her eyes bulging from her orbits. Usually, even in her heels, Kate would be smaller than him but right now she was a predator and he was nothing but a small victim, waiting sudden death. Taking three deep breaths and moving her long hair over one shoulder, Kate took some time to rearrange her posture and calm down her heart before it melted in her chest.

"Whoa. Whoa. Kate, relax! Relax," he put out both hands in front of him, taking a few steps back in case she decided to take action on her offenses. "First of all, I am not a professor. I swear I didn't lie about being a senior. I'm an English major, just like you."

"Oh really? So it turns out anyone can just teach their own class whenever they want?" she asked, her breathing was back to normal but dry anger was pouring from her lips. He couldn't tell which one he preferred.

"No. No. I'm a senior, as I told you. I also told you I was graduating this semester, remember?" he asked.

"Yes," that was all she said.

"Well, it looks like there was a problem and I needed to take an extra class. A professor is just doing me a favor. I'm taking over his class and the department will take it as one more credit."

"Then why didn't you said anything before? You know, I would have appreciated a heads up before telling my roommate I planned on inviting you out again."

She hadn't meant to say that. It still hurt the thought of her opening up to someone, making a physical and spiritual connection like they had, and then being left alone to wonder if it all had been made up or if the effort had been worth it.

"I'm sorry," Rick said and lowered his head, fidgeting with the hem of the pocket of his pants, "I didn't know you were in this class. I thought I would never see you again."

"It's okay. I'm so... Wait what?" she was about to storm out in anger when she looked up and saw the new smirk adorning his face. "Very mature, professor," she said and slapped his arm.

"Hey most of my students seem to love the blind puns. Trust me, I have a lifetime supply of those." he said and laughed when she laughed, sensing the tension around them easing down.

"Why did you think we were never gonna meet again?" Kate asked, stepping closer so she wouldn't miss a word. This question had been bothering her since they met, making her feel guilty for wanting more out of something so new.

"Kate, it wouldn't work. It would never work," he sighed and dropped his head once again. She thought that attitude didn't suit him.

"Is it because I'm a freshman and you are about to graduate?" she asked and mirrored his position.

"Kate, I'm... I'm crippled. It's not a relationship you would want to be in." Rick said, and she fought the anger bubbling within her as to not argue back.

He looked dejected, as if he had tried this a million times before. She couldn't imagine his pain, and so she did her best as to not patronize his feelings.

"How do you know what I want?"

"I've been there before, Kate. Sometimes for fun, sometimes they just want to try a frat boy. It's fun for a day or two. Everything is new and exciting, but when reality settles in, nobody wants to deal with it. The point is..." he breathed deeply, falling silent for a bit there.

She thought he might be holding back tears, but she didn't want to run away. She wanted to hold his hand and kiss his quivering lip.

"The point is we are just going to waste each other's time."

"I understand. I apologize for taking your time Professor," she said and walked away, leaving him behind and never looking back even though she could, because he would never see the disappointment and anger in her face.

"Kate," he tried to call, but only managed a whisper.

Even if it had hurt to get his hopes up, he would have to move on again. Soon enough, Kate would understand it was just a stupid whim, trying to fall for him. She would find someone else who could tell her how beautiful she was in a red dress and high heels, kiss the silk of her lips without having to guide his every move. It was better to cut loose one thread of optimism than to tore the whole fabric apart.

* * *

She focused on her studies that day. No more thinking about making friends, meeting boys, joining clubs. She finished reading his syllabus and making annotations for the next class, read for Philosophy and marked down a few questions for the professor. She was about to finish reading for her Women and the Law lecture when she spotted Rick, wandering through the main door of the small library.

She lowered her head when he came closer, mentally smacking herself when she forgot he couldn't see her even if he stood right in front of her. She made a move to catch his hand when someone from behind her table pass her by in a rush. The girl laced his arm through his, their bodies too close for her liking.

"You ready to interpret some poetry?" she asked when they sat in the table.

"Always. But please make sure your boyfriend there doesn't play footsie with me again?"

Kate heard them laugh behind her and wondered why could he ever think of them as difficult. She could be that girl right now. Hell, for him she would even make it a double date. She would hold his hand, discreetly and away from prying eyes, happy to read to him endlessly.

* * *

Two days passed and they both seemed to have slipped back onto their own routines. During Thursday's class she tried to flirt with him, sliding her fingers through his palm when she turned in her paper, waiting for everyone to leave the classroom so he could smell her perfume, arguing each and every one of his opinions on the essay prompts. If it bothered him, he didn't let her know.

On Friday morning, Kate found herself running earlier than usual. The campus was empty at this hour, only workers moved from here to there carrying supplies and nodding their good mornings among them. She moved to the strong thump of her sneakers against the asphalt, breathed in the dew on the wet grass. The soft caress of sunshine on her naked arms welcomed the heat radiating off her body.

When she couldn't breath properly anymore, Kate sat on the bottom steps of an asphalt staircase that led up to Main Campus. She drank from her water bottle and waited for the sun to dawn above the residence buildings. She reminded herself to talk to Lanie about applying to one of them for next year. Lanie was a big fan of daybreak and sunset, even though she never really had time to experience either.

Kate was so focused thinking that she only saw him standing there when his cane started poking her thigh. Rick.

"Well that's an unusual way to say good morning," she said and didn't bother hiding her smirk.

"Oh. Sorry. I thought the steps had shrunk."

"And you just decided to poke them until the cement moved?"

"Uh..." Rick looked around and probed some more with his cane.

She seemed to be alone and he wondered if she usually just sat here and ignored him walking by or if she had spend the night at someone else's. After all, the frat houses were only a few walks away from where they stood. He also thought she might slap him if he ever voiced that thought.

"Sit with me," Kate said and pulled on his pant leg. He squinted his eyes at her and she asked, "What?"

"Do you usually go running this early?"

"How. -"

"I can smell your sweat from here," he didn't appear to be disgusted but Kate tried to put some space between them in shame.

"Sorry for that. I usually just go to the gym."

"I didn't say it was bad." he smiled and as if sensing her discomfort moved a little bit closer, their arms almost touching. "Every person has their own smell. I can also hear your breathing."

"Mmm. So what do I smell like?" she said and softly leaned against him for a second.

"Cherry blossoms," Rick said, his voice grave with no hint of the usual playfulness between them. "And vanilla."

Kate avoided the feeling when she remembered his words "Everything is new and exciting, but when reality settles in, nobody wants to deal with it." She wanted him to realize she did care about him. It wasn't that she thought blindness would make things interesting and fun. It wasn't that she saw in him an easy mark.

"Your eyes are blue," she was taken aback the moment he took his glasses off, keeping them in the pocket of his jeans and looking up at her with a new sense of intimacy, as if he was giving her a chance, giving them a chance. It made her want to kiss him.

"Uh, yeah they are I guess." he said and continued to sip from his coffee.

Kate however couldn't bring herself to utter a word, because he was there next to her, eyes so bright and beautiful that they matched the sky of that early summer day. She wanted nothing more than to ask if he had ever seen them. If he new the beauty and honesty he hid under those awful glasses because yes, now that she knew the way he looked, those glasses were awful.

"I took them off so I could get some sun in my eyes but if they bother you..."

"No!" she hurried and took the glasses from his hands, taking them away, not wanting to ever return them to him. "They don't bother me at all. Sorry if I made you think otherwise."

Rick muttered, "S'okay," and sipped more coffee.

For a while there, they sat facing the sun and welcoming the heat. It was probably past 7:00 AM now. The buildings seemed to shrink as the sunlight trespassed their walls and came to shine on their faces.

"How beautiful is it?" he asked and she would gladly sit there all morning and describe the details to him, but she was all tell and not show when it came to writing. She was about hard facts and truths, not cheesy allegories in romantic poems.

"You're not missing much," was all she said.

"Objection, your honor. I think I'm missing quite the view."

Even without taking her eyes away from the sun, Kate knew he was talking about her. She only needed to turn her head and watch his eyes claim every bit of sunlight within them. He radiated passion and transparence as much as he emitted anger and turbulence. She didn't warn him when she brought her lips to his, didn't hold his hand or touched his face. She simply leaned forward and claimed him. All of him. It wasn't like the peck she had given him a few nights ago when they barely knew each other.

Her open mouth crashed against his with eagerness, taking and taking until he opened his and let his tongue roam against hers, tasting each other. He forced them to break apart after a while, placing his hand on her neck so her forehead touched his in another kiss.

"I think I'm missing quite a lot," Rick said and she laughed, kissing him once again but consciously breaking apart before it became too heated. She didn't know if kissing someone you had just met was meant to feel like that.

Once they retracted to their own space next to each other, Rick said, "Listen, I need someone to help me with the class, kind of like an assistant. You know, to read the essays, call out raised hands, help me grade. All in all, to make my work easier. You think you could do that?"

"Yeah, of course."

"Take some time to think about it. I don't know how busy you are," he said.

After another silent pause, Kate brought back their earlier conversation in hope of a new answer.

She said, "Lanie said you might have said no because your blindness would get in the way of having a normal relationship. I don't know your struggle and I understand that maybe it has been like this in the past. I really didn't think of that," she said and clasped his arm in her hand, "I'm sorry. It wasn't my intention to make you think I was only interested in the idea of us. I like you Rick, blindness, dark glasses, cane, and all. Even though I have yet to know more of you, I really, really like what I have now."

"You don't think I've wanted to believe that speech before, Kate? It just. doesn't. work." he said, standing up and poking the floor with his cane.

"Kate! Hey, Kate!" someone called from afar. It was that kid, Josh, her classmate from philosophy.

He skipped down the steps and met her there, making Rick turn around and raise one of his eyebrows at her.

"Hey Josh. What's up?" she ignored Rick's look, looking up at Josh as he pulled down the straps of his backpack, obviously knowing he had interrupted something there.

"Oh, uhm. I'm with a few buddies of mine and Lanie, your roommate right?" he continued after her nod, "We are about to have breakfast if you were interested."

Kate glanced at Rick, playing with the hem of his shirt and rubbing his palm on the cane. "Sure, Josh. Thanks for coming to get me."

"Uh. Yeah... No problem," he said and eyed Rick, not quite knowing if Kate would bring him along or give her goodbyes.

"So, Professor Castle, when do you need me to read those essays?" she asked, starting to go up the steps with Josh trailing behind her.

"Um, would tomorrow morning work for you?" he asked, letting the hurt and disappointment rain over his face. For a moment, she felt guilty.

"That's fine by me. It's a Saturday after all."

"Great. I'll sent you an email later today."

His cane didn't feel any more steps, and so he figured they had reached the top of the stairs. Rick offered a formal smile before walking off to the house, not bothering to turn and answer Josh's friendly farewell. He heard her giggle at something her friend said before a worker started to mow the lawn, muting her voice in the process. For the rest of the day, Rick daydreamed of their kiss and the ghost taste of her lips on his. He wondered if her vanilla skin naturally tasted like that and if so, what could he do to have a piece of her every day for the rest of his life.

* * *

 **All mistakes are mine. This story wouldn't be half as good without help from my beta.**

 **I would like some feedback on the tone of the story and what you think of it so far as well.**

 **Thanks xx**


	4. Chapter 4

They met at nine in the morning of the day after. Rick was already there when she entered the classroom, head thrown back against his chair, earphones plugged in, a gentle melody, soft and calm, coming through them. Kate thought it sounded like something along the lines of classical music. There was a new scent in the air, he realized, something he couldn't quite put his finger on, but something or _someone_ was there. The thumping sound on the floor next to him - Kate's backpack - resonated on his chest, causing Rick to jump from his chair, yanking away the earphones with a fist in the process.

"Hey, didn't hear you coming," Rick said, tugging on the collar of his shirt with one hand, drumming the fingers of his other one on the table top.

"No glasses today?" Kate asked, her gaze slowly travelling from the table's surface to him.

"Um, no. I...," Rick said as he leaned down to grab something from his backpack, "I'll just put them on if you want."

She was merely stating a point, she felt like saying something as Rick opened his case and put the heavy black shades on, but decided to keep quiet, remembering all the mixed signals they had sent one another lately. Now, thinking about the past few days only made her more self-conscious and nervous around him. She wondered for a second if he had chosen to take them off on purpose after the effect they'd had caused on her the day before.

"So, um, how do you want to do this?" she asked, and left the question open for interpretation on purpose.

"So, I was thinking," Rick said and quickly moved aside to make space on the small desk, "maybe you can read the essays to me and I'll grade them? You can pin point things like organization, structure, punctuation, and small details I can't see. Does that sound okay?" He sounded a bit breathless, as if the simple task of moving papers from one place to another was the most tiring thing in the world.

"Uh, yeah, that's fine. Do you want to start with Thursday's essays?" she answered, suddenly as breathless as him.

The mere thought of just reading to him made her heart tighten; it ached a bit, but it was a good kind of ache. It made her feel glad for the billionth time that week that he couldn't see the giddiness in her face and the flush on her cheeks.

"Alright. Give me their names first so I can type them," he said and silently begged for the papers to have some substance to them.

The last thing Rick wanted was to be the laughing-stock of a class he was supposed to be teaching. A class she was part of... But he had to endure every difficulty; the thought that by the end of the year his book would be published made his stomach twist with anxiety.

"First essay is Lisa Huff. Essay topic is...Wait -"

"Yes?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Are you going to need my help during class? Because if so, how am I supposed to participate?"

"Well," Rick begun, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose, , "I think I'll be fine during class. I can manage a presentation and if someone needs help, they can just read me the sentence or paragraph, right?"

"I guess," Kate said, fidgeting with the lining of her worn out jeans. "What about me, though? How will you know if I'm lying when I'm reading my own paper?"

A sharp tug of his lips made her reconsider her she said something wrong?

"Trust me, I can tell if you're lying." Rick smirked and leaned back on his chair, tapping the point of his pen against the keyboard, "But something tells me Kate Beckett knows how to please her professors."

 _Oh god._ Was that flirting? What was she supposed to say? An awkward silence settled between them as Rick waited for an answer. She only wanted to keep the ball rolling, ignore whatever had just happened and focus on the work at hand. But his smile had developed into that Cheshire grin she had grown to like so much, making her insides turn upside down. The classroom walls seemed to have shrunk, crumpling them against one another, so Kate felt the need to speak before doing something she would regret later, like snatching those awful glasses away and kissing the hell out of his lips.

"So, um" She cleared her throat and carried on, "This is Lisa Huff. Untitled..." Kate uncrossed her legs and pressed her front to the desk, quickly forgetting about Rick and focusing on the task ahead.

Soon after, Rick picked up her pace, making annotations with every line she read and stopping her a few times among the paragraphs to ask grammar and structure related questions. They were, however, interrupted about a hour later when Kate's stomach made itself present with a loud, rumbling noise. She was about to apologize when Rick's hearty laugh echoed in the room, making her laugh as well.

"I'm so sorry," he said, carefully touching the watch on his wrist, "I lost track of time. It's been around an hour."

Kate's laughter hushed slowly as she said, "Don't worry. I was having fun, too."

"Oh. I just meant -"

"What?" She asked, daring him to lie and tell her he hadn't enjoyed that hour as much as she had. Possibly, the first hour of peace they've had since they met.

"Nothing," he said, "I just... I thought it was fun as well. Although, I gotta say your essay..."

"What about my essay?" she interrupted him, firming her arms on the table and leaning closer. He retracted.

"Well, it's just...," he said and pushed his glasses back with one finger, "I was expecting it to be a lot longer and..."

"And?" she insisted and furrowed her brow, leaning forward like a silent predator.

"It's just...," he winced, "The plot was a little all over the place. Kind of like a rant."

"What!?" her voice effortlessly climbed two octaves.

"I'm just saying," Rick said, taking his glasses off and cleaning them on the hem of his shirt, "You have a lot to learn this semester, which," he felt a puff of hair leave her mouth, " _which_ , I'm happy to help you with."

"Alright, listen Rick," Kate said and took a deep breath, "You know how hard it was to sit in a classroom with my closest friend only to find out that the guy I wanted to sleep with the night before was our professor? You have any idea how hard it was for me to focus and not storm out of there like a hurt 13-year-old?"

"Oh, I'm..." he said, carefully placing the glasses on the table. "I'm sorry, I didn't realize..."

"Exactly," she said and tapped the table top with her finger to emphasize the word.

"You wanted to sleep with me?"

"What?"

"You just said you wanted to sleep with me."

"Oh, well," she said, leaning back on her chair and grouping all the papers into one pile, "I guess I asked you on a date, remember?"

"Yeah," Rick said after a sigh, his hands falling helplessly beside him, "I remember. I was just trying to give you an out."

"But by giving me an out you just pushed me away," Kate pointed out, voicing what had hurt her the most about the situation. "Is this how you make friends?"

He laughed but it sounded strangled, fake, "Not really, no."

"Rick," she sighed, "if you didn't want to be friends with me, you just had to say so."

It was his turn to sigh then, "It's not that. Kate, you know it's not."

"Then what is it?" She asked, exasperated by their back and forth game. In any other situation, she would have enjoyed it, even participated, but now it just seemed like it was delaying the inevitable.

"Please, don't be angry at me," he plead, his voice so tiny and his look so soft.

"I'm not angry at you, Rick." She exhaled, blamed his eyes and that soft look he gave her.

Did he know he was looking right at her, in this exact moment, their pupils almost parallel to one another?

He chuckled, "You must be _not_ angry around me a lot."

"Yeah well," she said and shoved her pens back into her backpack, "I just wanted to get to know you. I liked you a lot and I thought it would have been fun."

"Simple as that?"

"Simple as that."

He heard the shift of her chair and smelled the sweet fragrance of her hair as she moved the long strands over one shoulder, "Where are you going?"

"I gotta go. Josh is meeting me outside to go for lunch," she said and pulled on the strands of her backpack.

"I see," he grabbed his glasses and put them on again, thinking he had sounded nonchalant, but he hadn't. At all...

"Not like that, Rick." Kate said, conflicted with the fact that she didn't owe him an explanation even though she wanted to give him one. "He just finished a class here and we are going to meet our friends."

As she turned on her heels, Rick's hand grabbed hers and pulled back with great power. They stood close; knees and lips almost touching as he held her between his arms. Kate shook herself from his embrace and stepped back, taking a moment to pull on the hem of her shirt. A moment to think. Once she looked up to Rick, a mix of confusion and fear adorned his face. Approaching her slowly, like one might approach a wild animal, he placed a hand on her waist, the other one cupping her jawbone as he crushed his lips against hers, letting his thumb trace his way to her lips. Kate ran her hands up his chest, tightening her grip on a handful of his shirt and pressing their bodies even closer. Soon after, they stumbled towards the wall, lips crashing against one another in a powerful, but rapid kiss. His hold on her waist lessened then, so she grabbed his head between her shaky hands and placed a soft kiss over his lips. And then another one, slow and sweet.

"Simple as that?" he asked.

"Simple as that."

* * *

He entered through the big wooden doors after hearing a rough voice giving him permission to enter _._ A cloud of smoke surrounded him unexpectedly, forcing him to cough and reach for the nearest chair.

"I take it you don't smoke," Gibbs said from afar.

"No sir," he coughed one last time before fixing his posture. "You wanted to see me?"

"Yes. Yes." Gibbs said, "Get closer, Rodgers."

Focusing his mind for a moment, Rick was able to calculate the direction of his voice. If Gibbs was sitting on his desk, then the chairs should be in front of him. The tick-tock of a battery operated clock echoed in his head like bounces of a ping-pong ball. Immediately, Rick was able to grasp the room's layout. With two quick steps, and guided by his cane, Rick spotted the soft, velvety cover of the chair.

"Have you finished your lesson plan for this month?" Gibbs asked.

"I finished grading the essays and planning the first two weeks earlier today, sir," Rick said and suppressed the need to cough. "I plan to finish the rest tomorrow."

"Well, I expect those papers to be at my desk before Monday. Understood?" Gibbs asked, but Rick thought he must have put out the cigarette because his voice sounded clearer now, much lighter.

"Yes, sir." He said. "Is that all?"

"That'll be all. Thank you for coming, Mr. Rodgers."

As he stood, Rick heard the silent _swish_ of a lighter as Professor Gibbs lighted another cigarette. Hoping to leave before another cloud of smoke could take the better of him, Rick moved across the room like an expert, avoiding the giant globe in the middle of the room and holding his cane up before it touched the red carpet. As he reached for the door and opened it, Rick forgot about the other pair of eyes in the room following his every skillful move.

* * *

 **Thank you once again to my Beta. This whole story wouldn't be possible without her help. You're the greatest Ana!**


	5. Chapter 5

It was late on Monday when Kate finally had time to breathe and put her books away for the day. After dinner, she walked into the library in search of the Braille collection. She took the elevator to the ground floor, walking past dozens of empty tables and single desks until she found the group of couches where Rick was now sitting.

For a moment, she took the time to admire her boyfriend and how the sun formed shadows on his face. He was sitting next to a large window, completely engaged in the book in his hands, tracing the white bumps with the pad of his fingers. She thought he had never looked more peaceful than he did right now.

Taking a turn, Kate approached him from the back, lacing her arms around his chest and leaning in to whisper, "Hey handsome" after placing a soft kiss on his cheek.

"Hey beautiful," he replied, the corner of his lips lifting into a big, bright smile.

Taking a seat next to him, she peeked at the book that rested on his lap before asking, "Whatcha reading?"

"Oh, this is for my Poetry class," he said, closing the book for a second to show her the cover, even though he didn't really know how it looked like.

"Oh. Is the test this week?" she asked, trying her hardest not to chuckle at the two naked lovers on the jacket of his book.

"Yeah. I'm pretty stressed about it," he said and opened the book once more, tracing the next line like an expert.

She then realized she didn't know whether he had been born blind or if this had been the effect of some horrible accident. It seemed like a conversation for another day.

"Shouldn't that entail having a pencil and making annotations or taking some sort of note?" she asked instead, admiring the furrow of his brow and the movement of his arm across the pages. It all seemed so new and intriguing to her, like meeting an alien. She decided that wasn't the best of compliments, so she stayed quiet.

"Good memory," Rick answered, tapping his temple with a finger before quietly mouthing the next line on the poem.

"I see," she nodded, mirroring him and following the trace of his hand as if, at any moment, she might also understand the peculiar bumps. "Well, I hope you didn't forget about our dinner date last night?"

Rick turned his face to her, horror written all over his expressions. He had been so engrossed in his poem that he hadn't properly paid attention to her. He closed the book immediately, placing it on the coffee table and turning his body towards her.

"Kate, I..." his bottom lip quivered, "Oh my god, Kate. I..."

"Um, use your words, Rick." she teased, and he could swear there was a smirk taking over her lips.

"I am so, so sorry, Kate," he covered his mouth with his hands, "I'll understand if you never want to talk to me ever again. Gosh, I'm such an idiot."

This time she chuckled loud enough for him to hear, "A pretty hot idiot in my opinion," Kate said, playing with the hair at his nape and inching closer, not because she wanted to but because she thought he might need it.

"This is not funny!" he cried out and she huffed out another short laugh, "I forgot, Kate! I forgot about our first date."

"You keep going on like that, you're going to end up with an ulcer," she taunted, gently scratching the back of his neck .

"Shut up," he shot back and Kate inched closer until his ragged breath touched her lips.

"Make me," she said, launching forward and pressing their chests and lips together in a quick kiss until she felt his shoulders relax under her hands.

"I'm so sorry, Kate," he whispered once again. "I know there's no way I can make this up to you, but I've just been crazy stressed with my book contract and getting ready for class. I don't know if I told you, but my publisher is, hopefully, going to send me a final offer on my book later this week and I'm so nervous. What if they actually hated it? What if they agree to publish it but only if I make changes I don't want to make? I know I should be patient but I can't help it. I mean, I forgot about our date. Jesus. Who forgets about a first date, and, and -"

She shushed his rant by pressing her lips on his, "And?"

"And I'm sorry," he finished in a sigh, exhausted, feeling the tension of the past few days settling heavily on his shoulders. He wanted her to kiss him again, make him forget for a little while.

"It's okay, Rick," she said, getting a raised eyebrow in return, "I could tell you were stressed these past few days. I'm not _too_ mad," she emphasized the word. "I know this is important to you."

"I'll make it up to you, promise." he said, taking her hand from his neck and lacing their fingers together, gently running his thumb over her knuckles, "Come to the house tonight? We can order Chinese and watch a movie."

* * *

Once they had entered the room, Rick remembered the only TV available was on the first floor of the house. Because nobody really used it, he assured Kate it would be okay if they took it for the night. While he prepared the popcorn and drinks, Kate carried the heavy piece upstairs and into his room.

"Coke or Sprite?" he called out from the door before squatting next to the TV and inserting the cassette into its player.

"Coke, please," she answered and sat on the couch patiently, observing his room.

She hadn't really put too much thought into what his room would look like. Honestly, she didn't care. The walls were light blue and naked, adorning them was his fraternity's flag (with what she supposed were the signatures of his friends scrawled all over it) hanging on the wall behind her. There were two beds in the room, but only one of them was covered in sheets and pillows that resembled a nest of soft cotton wrinkled sheets. Rick had pushed the two desks together and placed a tall, but thin, bookshelf next to them. Other than that, there was enough free space she and Lanie could only dream of as freshmen, and probably four times more the closet space.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" she asked and sipped on her coke, "We can listen to music or something. I don't know what your favorite band is, but..."

"You know, blind people watch movies all the time," he said and sat next to her.

"Oh. I didn't know that," she gasped and he laughed at her excitement.

If only she knew the things he could do. Maybe one day, he'd trust her enough to tell her. He could only hope.

"Ready for some bloody action?" he said and pressed play, lacing his arm around her back when her head rested on his shoulder. It was easy. It was so easy to be with her. There weren't any expectations at this point. Maybe in the future things would be different, but right now she was here next to him and nothing felt better than that.

Now he would get to know her better, get to know her secrets, her favorite color, her favorite season, and she would get to know his. He wanted to ask her so many things. He wanted to touch her face, her eyes, her nose, her mouth... Feel them against his fingertips and lips. She was a mystery he might never be able to solve (which actually had him excited), and even though they had spent a lot of hours together in the past two days, he listened to all of her stories in absolute wonder, thinking that maybe one day he would be able to know them all by heart.

With his free hand, Rick cupped her face, interrupting her focus on the movie so that he could press her lips to his in a soft peck.

They parted for a second and usually, at this point, he would be considering ways to get his hands under her clothes, rid her of the heavy sweater and jeans. But not this time. Instead, he leaned down, pulling her with him in the process. He could feel the length of her body slowly pressing over his, a little bit tense, little bit unsure, as she waited for him to make the next move.

"Is this okay?" he asked, gently placing his palms flat on her back.

Kate didn't say anything. He thought she might be thinking of an answer, he was already considering he had pushed too far this time. Geez, it was only their first date, what was he thinking?

Rick didn't get the chance to do anything about it though because next thing he knew Kate was pushing down on his shoulders, pressing him against the couch and assaulting his lips with fervor.

He brought his hand to her jaw, caressing her bottom lip with his thumb. They kissed without hesitation nor shame. They touched as if they were familiar with each other's bodies for years. She was here, not minding his blindness nor his secrets. She was here and she wanted to be his just as much as he wanted to be hers.

His hands ran up her thighs to her hips until they found a comfortable position in which she was straddling him. Kate seemed to come alive at that moment. She grasped his right hand in hers and placed it on her butt. She wanted more, and he understood. In a swift move, Rick brought his other hand up, slipped it under her sweater and slid down a bra strap in order to map her skin, to feel her under the touch of his hands.

They stayed like that for a while, simply kissing and touching, getting to know each other. The sound of screams and guns in the background (they had forgotten about the movie), didn't slow them down as they sought each other even more ardently.

This was the first time in a long, long time in which a kiss stirred something warm and familiar inside of him. This was a kiss that made him crave for another one. Blood boiled under his skin, flowing from the tip of his fingers to the top of his head. If they continued like this, he wouldn't be able to stop. For some reason he couldn't yet define, Rick didn't want sex with Kate to be purely a physical want.

"Wait... Kate..." he moaned, forcing her fingers to stop their own wicked game on his abs, "Back up... for a second."

"What?" she asked and he chuckled at the confusion in her voice and the strong beat of her heart against his chest. It made him want to kiss her again and erase the pout he knew would be forming on her lips.

"Can we back up for a second? Have a decent conversation?" he pushed the hair back from her face.

"Oh. Okay. What do you want to talk about?" Kate said, not really moving away from him but easing her way to the side until she found herself sandwiched between his chest and the back of the couch.

"I don't know?" He pulled down on his shirt and brushed his hair back, "Jesus, uhm..." he felt breathless, "Any hobbies, favorite color?"

"Reading, purple"

"Any pets?"

"A hamster when I was five."

"Unusual sexual proclivities?"

"Find out for yourself." she said as she settled a leg over his hip and thrust up.

"Right..." He sighed, "What about books. Any favorites?"

"Well, I love Russian literature. I think I might minor in the language, but I'm still not sure. _War and Peace_ is by far my favorite book. Have you read it?"

"I have, yes" he smiled, hearing her heart speed up once again in excitement. "Why is it your favorite?"

Kate sighed before answering, "Well, it's my mom's favorite book as well. I guess I love how it connects us even when we're not together."

"Are you missing your mom?" He asked, softly stroking her cheek with the back of his hand.

"Would you think I'm being childish if I were?"

"'Course not," he huffed and moved his hand to her back, pressing her closer in a hug. "I'm sorry it makes you sad."

"Yeah," she whispered, "But I don't wanna think about how much I miss her. I'm excited to go back for Winter Break and make new memories together."

"Tell me about your favorite memory with your mom," he said, mirroring her hushed tone of voice. He liked talking like this with her, as if their secrets belong to the other but no one else. It was reassuring to know that she liked him for what he was, and that there were no more mixed signals going on between them.

"Um, let me think," she snuck a hand under his shirt, "When I was little," she begun, "My mom would read The Little Prince to me every night. We must have read it about five times in a row until I learned how to read it myself. Even then, sometimes she would come home from work early, take it from my hands and read the whole chapter from the beginning. I'm sure she still knows it from the top of her head."

"Kate?" he murmured.

"Mmhm?"

"You know, my book is really important to me." he said, taking a moment to think his next sentence. "Possibly, the best thing that has happened to me in years," he continued, closing the small gap between them to kiss her forehead. "But you are important, too."

"Wha..?" she asked, overwhelmed, suddenly aware of the strain the day had pushed on her body.

"You said it was okay for me to miss our date because my book was important, but you are also important to me. I like you a lot."

She said, "I know. I like you too," and then kissed him sweetly, looking into his eyes and placing a soft kiss between them as well.

Kate rested her head on his chest and the two of them lied down on the couch for what seemed like hours, listening to their heartbeats and enjoying each other's presence.

"Where are you going?" Kate whined the moment Rick broke from their embrace.

"I remembered I had this," he explained, waiving a braille copy of _The Little Prince_ in the air.

Kate immediately sat up, placing their forgotten sodas on the coffee table and letting him sit before opening a green blanket and covering her body.

"Read to me."

" _The Little Prince_ by Antoine de Saint Exupery," he began, urging her head to fall on his lap before locking his fingers among her strands, softly stroking the lace-like features. Placing the book on top of the couch's arm, he used his free hand to read along, " _I soon learned to know this flower better. On the little prince's planet the flowers had always been very simple. They had only one ring of petals; they took up no room at all; they were a trouble to nobody. One morning they would appear in the grass, and by night they would have faded peacefully away._ "

She fell asleep on his lap moments later, allowing the melody of his voice lull her to sleep. The universe had never been as peaceful for Rick, when the only sound reaching his ears was that of her steady heartbeat, pounding softly against its ribcage.

He carried her slim body, gently positioned her in bed and tugged the comforter over her shoulders. Rick questioned whether he should sleep in the other bed for the night or stay with her, but waved it away a second later. After all, it was just sleeping.

Changing into a pair of sweatpants and a clean white shirt, Rick climbed onto the bed, cuddling her from behind, draping one arm over her waist and letting one of his legs tangle in between hers. Soon after, the serenity of the room engulfed him, bringing down his senses until the last thing he heard was the slow rhythm of her lungs, puffing out air.

* * *

She woke up the next morning to the sound of birds outside the window. Birds! Stretching her arm, Kate reached the curtain and peeked outside. Unfortunately, the closest tree seemed to be in the yard. She was about to give up when a second chirp resonated inside the room. Looking around, she wondered if Rick owned some type of finch she hadn't noticed the night before. Another low tweet brought her attention to the bedside table. There, an unusual alarm clock marked the next minute.

A laugh bubbled from within her and Kate placed a hand over her mouth as to not stir the sleeping weight next to her. Rick was currently on his back, dead to the world, hair tousled over his forehead with an arm slung over his eyes. She smiled wickedly at the thought of her next move.

Pushing the off button on his alarm, Kate turned around and swung a leg over his body. She brushed her hand over his abdomen and cupped him, leaning in to whisper, "Rick, wake up." She felt him twitch and pressed once before letting go and settling over his hips. "Rick?"

"Mmhm?"

"I'm hungry. Can we get breakfast?"

"Mmhm. Yeah, you go," he said, grabbing a pillow from the side and covering his face and ears with it. "I'll join you later. For dinner."

"No," she whined and pulled on his shirt, "C'mon, I want you to meet my roommate."

With a final huff, Rick moved the pillow away and opened his clear blue eyes to her, "Why do you hurt me this way?"

"Hmm," she pretended to ponder and pressed down on his groin before adding, "At least part of you is happy to see me."

Rick's groan echoed across the room before he could grip her hips and stop the movement. So she did it again, a laugh playing out on her lips. "Please don't do that," he moaned just before she put a wet smooch on his lips.

"What about this?" She asked, and snuck a hand between their bodies to cup him once again.

Rick sighed and moved onto his elbows, "You mentioned breakfast?"

"Mmhm," she smirked, a lustrous grin on her face. "Wanna help out with that?"

"Yes," he said, yanking her hand away and giving it a soft kiss on the palm, "By taking you to the commons." He motioned for Kate to climbed down of his lap. She obliged, waiting sometime before saying,

"You know I'm not a virgin, right?"

"Uhm," he brushed his hair back and took his shirt off, making it into a perfect ball and throwing it into the hamper, "I don't know how I'm supposed to answer that."

With a groan, Kate punched his arm and before he could move away, she grabbed his neck between her hands, bringing him in for a kiss. It wasn't sweet or adoring, it was fierce and charged with passion. For a moment he wanted nothing more than to drag her enchanting curves into his arms, lay her on his bed and make sweet love to her body.

* * *

They walked to breakfast together, holding hands and welcoming fall. The place was almost empty so she easily spotted Lanie sitting in the back with Matthew.

"Hey guys," Kate called out.

"Oh, hey Kate!" Lanie cheered and signaled to the chairs in front of her, "Sit with us. We can wait for you guys."

As they did so, Matthew grumbled under his breath, "Maybe you can, but I gotta go. I owe a bet to stupid Ryan."

Lanie rolled her eyes and ignored him, silently apologizing to Kate, "Rick, this is Matthew. Matthew, this is Kate's boyfriend, Rick."

Kate felt her cheeks turn red at the reminder, so when Rick pulled his hand back, she gave Matthew a handshake, her palms feeling clammy.

"So, who do you owe a bet to?" Kate asked after they had gotten their servings and went back to the table.

"Oh, just this guy from Eco," said Matthew, munching on his eggs and bacon, "We put a bet on last weekend's game and guess who won?"

"You don't have to answer," mouthed Lanie to Kate.

"You mean the Steelers game?" Asked Rick, who up to the moment had been silently biting on his Nutella toast.

"Yeah, dude. It was painful to watch. Do you like football or something?" Matthew asked him, completely oblivious to Kate's glare.

"Not really," Rick said, spreading more Nutella on his next toast. "But I know about the game 'cause a friend of mine smashed his sister's birthday present against the wall after checking the score."

Lanie and Kate chuckled at the story but soon turned their attention back to their cereal bowls.

Matthew continued, "Well, if you ever feel like watching a game with me and my friends, just let me know."

"Oh thanks," Rick answered and cleaned the chocolate ring forming around his lips, "But to be honest, I think I'll stick to gymnastics."

"What" "Really" "Huh" they all gasped in unison, looking at Rick in astonishment.

"Jesus, give the blind guy a break," Rick joked, but there was no customary laugh behind his voice and Kate noticed.

She extended her arm and touched his, caressing the almost transparent hairs she found, "No Rick," she said, "It's just that... Well, gymnastics is an extremely rigorous sport."

"Yeah," Lanie continued after her roommate, "I practiced ballet for a while and it took me years to learn some gymnastics techniques."

"I guess," Rick said and reached out for water, "Though, I've also been practicing since I was like 8 or so."

Perplexed, they understood the heaviness of his words and with mute consent, the group resumed eating, thinking that maybe the class-clown-Rick had had a childhood far more complicated and mysterious than what they expected. Kate took a moment to process it all. At first, she had been interested in getting to know him better. For the past few days, they hadn't done anything but that. Painfully so sometimes, when she wanted more than the usual peck on the lips. She realized there was more to Rick than what was left to imagination. Now, she saw dozens of questions clouding her mind, a turmoil of incertitude. Did she really know this person as well as she thought?

"Well, that's nice," said Matthew, " Maybe you can teach me some cool stuff someday." With that, he gathered his plates and said goodbye before sauntering away.

Lanie, Kate, and Rick continued with their breakfast, not talking much except for the usual "Would you pass me the salt?" and "Do we have waffles today?" A group of girls walked behind Lanie in a rush, pointing their glares at the girl and shoving their hips past her shoulder in a silent attack. One of them coughed out "Slut" as the rest walked ahead. Lanie could only sigh and lower her head.

"Is this still about the party?" Kate asked.

"Yeah, they just..." Lanie breathed out, shrugging, "She keeps doing that everywhere I go."

"Sorry that's happening Lanes," Kate said, shame and pity dripping from her words. "Maybe you should tell Matt about the staring." After all, Lanie had chosen Matthew, of all guys, to be with.

"It is what it is," Lanie lamented. "Anyway, I gotta go. See you tonight?"

"Yeah, for sure. See you later."

When Kate made sure Lanie was out of earshot, she turned to Rick and gritted her teeth, "He totally doesn't deserve her."

"Does that happen to us?" Rick asked, ignoring her tirade.

"What does?"

"People looking at us in weird ways?" Pain and concern overtook his face as he carefully tapped the fingers resting on his thigh. She didn't remember ever moving them there.

"Yes, Rick," she whispered into his ear and leaned closer, "Everyone is looking at us right now. So be careful with what you do," she finished and took his earlobe into her mouth, giving it a gentle nib.

Rick gasped, audible enough for her to know it was fake. He cupped her boob with a hand and said, "What about now?" but instead of an answer, the rich nectar of her laugh reached his ears, along with the sharp slap of a hand.

"We're in public, Rick. Gross."

"Hey, you started it."

"Well, next time how about we finish it, hm?" She appealed and raised an eyebrow in defense, daring him to say no even if he couldn't see her. Then she whispered, "In private."

"Deal."

* * *

After they left the commons, Kate and Rick headed to their respective rooms to shower and get ready for classes. Once in his room, Rick heard the familiar ring of the landline in the kitchen.

"Hello?"

"Hello, my name is Tau Mosi. Could I please speak to Richard Rodgers?" Asked the voice with an accent Rick could only describe as Nigerian.

"This is he." he answered, not bothering to make corrections.

"Your school called me because you used your Disabilities Form to ask for an advanced gymnastics coach?"

Rick didn't say anything, suddenly self-conscious of his blindness and the fact that yes, everything in his life worked around that word, disabilities.

"Mr. Rodgers, is that correct?" The man on the phone insisted when Rick fell quiet.

"Yes, it is." Rick stuttered, "and it's Castle, not Rodgers," he pressured, feeling guilty for raising his voice at the stranger.

"Yes, well," the man continued, his voice as steady as before, as if trying not to mispronounce a word, "I would like to accept the offer if you are still interested."

"I am," he blurted out, reaching quickly inside his pocket and opening up the phone, "Give me a date and I'll be there."

"Will next Tuesday work for you?" The man, Mosi, asked over the line. "7:00pm or if not..."

Rick typed the numbers into his phone, sending the message to himself and shoving it back to his pocket before answering, "No yeah. That's perfect. 7:00 pm sharp at the gym. I'll be there."

"See you then, Mr. Castle," Mosi said and disconnected the call.

Running upstairs, Rick lied down face up in bed, spread out his arms and legs on the cool sheets and breathed in the morning air. Tuesday. Soon enough, the world wouldn't feel like a ticking bomb anymore. He would come back to the surface for air once again. He would be able to breathe and talk with no pain or shame. He would be able to walk without wanting to cry. In a week, he would hold Kate's hand on his without wanting to die. In one week...

* * *

 **:)**

 **Thank you so much to the people who helped me edit this chapter. It means a lot.**


	6. forever heartbroken

"C'mon, Rick. Focus on your cane. What can you get from this?" Rick's trainer called from the end of the balance beam as he slapped a hand against its wood for what had to be the hundredth time that day.

"Uhh, I... I think," he was heaving, his lungs burning, desperate to breath in some oxygen, "Mosi, I need to get down."

"No," the man yelled. The firmness in his voice made Rick stand up straighter even as his knees buckled under the weight of his wobbly body. "Focus on your cane. Keep a strong grip and focus your mind on it," He waited a second for any movement from Rick before asking, "Are you there?"

"Yes," Rick gasped, "but not for long. I'm exhausted."

"C'mon, just once more." Mosi called out and slapped the beam, forcing one of Rick's legs to lose grip and hang in the air. "Tell me about this sound."

"Uh... I," Rick squinted his eyes and focused his thoughts on the dry sound. "It's far from here."

"How far?" Mosi pressured.

"Uhmm, I would say..." Rick's cane jumped against his hand as Mosi relentlessly slapped the beam's surface.

"10 feet?" he scrunched his eyebrows together, frowning, "10 or 11 feet."

Soon after, Mosi stopped the action, walking forward and helping Rick get off the balance before he could stumble and fall.

"Geez, Mosi," Rick managed to gasp out between short breaths, "Sometimes, I think you want to kill me."

"It was 16 inches away from you," the man said, bringing a bottle of water from his case and offering to Rick, who immediately poured it down his head. "How are you feeling?"

"Oh you know..." Rick chuckled, ruffling the water off his hair with a free hand, "living the dream."

"You need to stop thinking about every little detail around you," Mosi continued, ignoring his snarky comment. "The cane is there to help you. You barely use it."

"That's because I don't need it," Rick barked, tossing the white cane to the floor. "It's just _another_ thing I have to think about."

Mosi came closer then and took the towel from over his shoulders to dry Rick's neck with it. He picked the cane off the floor, wiping away Rick's sweat from its grip.

"Boy," he said, "you're too scared to stop listening. Ignore everything, and that's when you'll start seeing again."

With this, Mosi perched the bag on his shoulder and left Rick alone to ponder on his words.

Besides his mother, nobody really knew him. Well, his father had known, _once_ , but he wasn't around anymore. He was dead. Rick has been there. He was seven years old and alone in the hospital room when he heard his mother scream down the hall. Back then, they thought the chemicals had caused the blindness. It was only six months later when little Rick woke up from a blood-curdling nightmare. Only, it wasn't a dream. Yes, his vision was still gone, but now he could hear everything. Every. Thing. Everything from the flow of his blood pounding fast in his ears to the snores of his mother on the adjacent room.

As he screamed in his mother's embrace, hot flashes of light surged through his brain, burning every cell and every sensation until the only thing left was pain, burning every inch of his body. He remembered having opened his eyes and letting out a gasp. He could then hear the electricity in the room coursing through the wires, the light bulb buzzing and finally brightening the room. It was all too strong for his younger self, so Rick closed his eyes in a useless effort to make it go away. The flashes persisted. After that day, they only grew stronger.

They went from doctor to doctor for a period of four months. They all said the same: Rick was just suffering from a sense overload. Fortunately, they all said, it would go away once he got used to his new state. But it didn't, and so Rick and his mother stopped trying to look for answers and focused on the solutions. That was when Rick discovered gymnastics and the power it had to make his brain focus on one particular move. He practiced every night of his life after that, punishing his body till numbness.

For now, Mosi didn't seem to notice anything irregular about him. Even if some of the exercises were extremely easy to perform, Rick knew a normal blind person would never be able to perform them. So he chose to stay quiet and play dumb for a bit, letting Mosi believe whatever he wanted to believe as long as he continued doing his job.

* * *

After having a quick meal, Rick ran up to his room and showered. Most nights after training he felt too drained and would go to bed immediately after getting home. Tonight was different though. Although somewhat dazed, he still felt enough energy in his body to go through another training session. Changing into a clean pair of jeans and shirt, Rick moved downstairs to welcome the people already crowding the dance floor, which consisted of an empty room with a fake wooden stage. For a moment, he thought about inviting Kate over but then remembered she had been busy with her first round of exams this past week and had barely had any free time for herself.

"Hey, Rick," one of his fraternity brothers, Jake, called from the other room, "could you start mixing the drinks?"

"On it," he replied, making his way towards the bar.

Rick wasn't one for having mixed drinks himself. Most people got wasted after two or three cups of cheap rum, beer, and juice. He enjoyed a slower process - five shots of whiskey, three vodkas, and two tequilas. That was enough to make him pass out until morning. It wasn't like Rick joined a fraternity because of the drinks, of course, but they helped. His senses would sometimes skyrocket after days of no training. It was in times like those when Rick found comfort in being drunk. At first, the music, the shattering of glass, the thousand of heartbeats in the room, and the neon lights would make the situation a lot more difficult to handle, but slowly - and what's best, without Rick realizing it - the numbness would encompass him completely, swallowing his senses until his friends would drag him up to his room and leave him in a perfectly anesthetized illusion of tranquility.

"Rick!" a girl called from the door, "Are you joining us for shots, tonight?"

"Hey, Maddie," he smiled, lifting his first whiskey shot and downing in it in one sitting, "Let's bend some elbows."

With a scream, a mass of people entered the room and made their way towards the couches.

"Alright, let's take some shots!" someone screamed as Rick cranked up the music player's volume; _Otherside_ by Red Hot Chili Peppers, one of his favorites.

For the next hour or so, more and more people wooed their arrival. Rick could tell they were all drunk, giving the smell of the room. The putrid scent of a forgotten beer can on the floor and the moans of some guy having sex on the bathroom floor called for three extra shots of vodka. One after the other. There was no time for small talk or good manners.

"Hey! I'm Claire," a girl sitting next to him yelled over the music, "I thought you were a professor."

"Hey, Claire," he chuckled, pouring two tequila shots, "I'm a senior, but yes, I teach a class. How did you know?"

"I'm your student, " she yelled again, taking the glass from his hand, "thought you had a good memory."

"You'll have to forgive me," Rick smirked and leaned back, clinking their glasses together before they gulped them down a second later. "I'm not at my best, right now."

"You look fine to me," Claire giggled, placing a hand over his shoulder and giving it a gentle squeeze before letting go and pouring two more shots.

They tippled the drink in a swift move, laughing uncontrollably when Rick choked on his and tequila squirted down his nose. The alcohol burned through his nostrils and throat as he swallowed it back down, leaving a wet patch of skin right above his lips.

"Rick, Rick!" Claire called repeatedly, but she sounded off as if she was calling from miles and miles away. Rick stretched his hand to grab her elbow in response. "You okay? You need me to call someone?" The girl asked.

"No, I'm fine. Don't worry," he answered and gave her a soft smile to prove it. The alcohol was finally taking over him.

"Oh, okay." The girl said and he thought for a moment she sounded breathless. "I'm gonna go. See you around."

"Take care, uhmm, Claire...?" he slurred the words on purpose as to not offend the girl.

As Rick swallowed a leftover shot, someone he couldn't quite define climbed on the couch next to him and placed a warm hand between his shoulder blades.

"Hey there, hotshot." She greeted, a hint of laughter in her voice. "Enjoying the party?"

"Uhmm, Claire?" he asked, leaning forward and tracing the cherry perfume. Definitely not

Claire. She had been way too drunk to smell like anything else but rum. "Not Claire?"

The girl to his side laughed again, a sweet nectar spilling from her lips. It brought him back the image of one person… "It's Kate, Rick. Remember me? Your girlfriend?"

"Kate." he mumbled, "Hi, Kate. Hi. I remember you."

Kate laughed again, this time quieter, "Good," she said and gently curled the hair on his nape around her fingers. "You ready to head to bed or you want to stay drinking some more?"

"No, I'm good," Rick spoke unclearly and squinting his eyes, his attention focused on the rambunctious beat of his heart pounding in its ribcage. He could barely hear anything else. Placing a hand on her naked thigh, he continued, "I thought you wanted some free time tonight."

"I did," Kate said, "But then my roommate texted me saying she saw a really hot girl getting friendly with my drunk boyfriend so I got a little worried and came over."

Rick chuckled at her confession, but quickly replaced the grin with a frown, "You know," he began slowly and trying not to slur, "you don't really have anything to worry about."

"I thought so," Kate said, leaning over and placing a quick kiss on his temple, "I was just a little jealous. Don't worry."

"Kate?" he whispered, oblivious to the music that wouldn't reach his ears. "I can't get up."

Laugh bubbled from within as she took both of his hands and pulled him up from the couch. Lacing a hand around his waist and placing one over her shoulders, Kate dragged Rick across the room and up the stairs, breaking up a couple of make out sessions in the process.

"Can you get to the bathroom?" she asked when they reached the top, "I'll get you some pajamas while you shower."

"Are you gonna shower with me?" Rick said and his eyebrows shot up in surprise.

"No, Rick," Kate giggled and he pouted, giving her the most adorable puppy eyes she had ever witnessed, "But I'll stay with you tonight. You just have to shower first."

"Okay, okay. I'm going." He said and walked over to the bathroom, letting the door close behind him with a clank.

Kate went to his room right away, opening a few drawers until she found a pile of underwear. For someone who is blind, she inspected, he was as messy as any boy could be. Chuckling lightly, she grabbed a soft pair of superman boxers and flipflops from under the bed and made her way out the door.

"Hey, beautiful," a familiar voice called her from behind. "Where is your boy, Rick?"

"Matthew," Kate sighed, smelling the alcohol on his breath,"Where's Lanie?"

"Ugh, that bitch just left me," Matthew spat out, kicking a can that lay on the floor.

"Well, maybe you deserved it," Kate smirked, silently praising Lanie for putting some sense into that relationship. "Anyway, I gotta go. See you around."

As she walked to the bathroom, Matthew's arm pulled her back until they were pressed against each other, Rick's clothes the only thing in between. "You're too beautiful to be with someone who can't see it, you know," he whispered and then bursted out laughing as he continued, "Literally."

Fortunately for Kate, he was too drunk to keep a steady grasp and as his laughter subsided, Kate shoved Mathew away, holding Rick's clothes close to her heart, "Get away from me, you asshole."

"Whoa. What's going on here?" A guy who Kate had come to know as Rick's friend appeared from the stairs.

"Hey, Alex. Rick's getting ready for bed. Would you please take this guy with you and lock the door behind you?"

"Yeah, Kate. No problem," Alex said, placing his beer can on the floor and draping a hand over Matthew's shoulders to drag him away.

That stupid jackass. Thankfully, she wouldn't have to face him ever again.

"Kate? Kate, are you there?" Rick's voice brought her back from her theatrical murderous thoughts.

"Oh, hey," she tried to smile, but it came out nervous and angry. "I figured you had the towel in there with you because I couldn't find one."

"Yeah," Rick answered, signaling to the piece currently wrapped around his waist. "I uh... I can't move my legs."

"Okay," she said, feeling the softness of his stare defeating her rage inside. Taking one of his hands, she pulled him forward and closed the door to the bedroom behind them. "Here, put some underwear on."

"Hold my hands for support," he asked and took each of her palms in his. Her hands trembled.

"Here," Kate said and changed his grip to her shoulders, "Lift one leg..."

Rick did as she said, compelling the towel to drop to the floor and leaving him completely naked in the process.

"Oops," he chuckled and Kate could do nothing but laugh.

"Another leg..."

"This is not how I pictured you seeing me naked," he said and motioned to his body with a hand, "But voilà."

"Alright, hotshot, let's go to bed." Kate said and pushed him lightly to quicken his pace.

"This feels so good," Rick groaned once he had settled under the covers, turning on his side to make space for Kate.

"I'll bet." She said, brushing his hair back with her fingers. "You won't need a bucket, do you?"

"No," he mumbled, already close to the verge of sleep, "You staying?"

"Yeah," she sighed and touched his cheek before he turned his head and kissed her palm. "Let me clean your room a bit, first."

"Kate?"

"Mmhm?"

"You're not mad at me, are you." Rick asked and she briskly shook her head, moving her thumb to his face and wiping away the frown forming there. "I was just being nice to that girl. Claire, right? I was drunk and a little bit confused, but just talking."

"No, Rick," she shook her head again, tenderly playing with his earlobe. "I'm not angry at you."

She wasn't angry at him. But Matthew's words still irked something inside her. She was strong and mature enough to push them aside and not let them bother her _too_ much. But still, she couldn't help but wonder if that was why Rick's relationships hadn't worked before. Was it because of stupid people like Matthew, who saw the impairments of his persona and not the rest?

"Slow down your heartbeat, then." Rick slurred, "s'too loud."

Kate could only chuckle; surely, he had meant her breathing, which had gotten louder as she replayed her encounter with Matthew in her head. It was surprising though, despite the amount of alcohol in his system, how much attention Rick was paying to her breathing to hear it.

* * *

Kate woke up to the sound of someone trying to force their entrance through the door. Checking her father's watch, she saw it was barely 10 in the morning.

"Rick," Kate whispered while nudging Rick's shoulder, "Rick, wake up."

"Mmm. I can't."

"Rick," she tried once again, pulling on his arm this time, "Babe, I think someone is trying to open your door."

"Idyoust callm babe?" he mumbled, still sleepy but finally opening his eyes to her. "Kate. Hi."

"Would you stop mumbling?" she said, louder this time and detangled their legs in order to get up from bed. "I'm just gonna see what they want."

Kate opened the door all the way back, ready to face one of Rick's drunk brothers. But instead, she was surprised to find what was probably the exact opposite. Standing right in front of her was an older woman, about her mother's age. She was dressed in a soft rose suit - blazer and mid knee skirt. Her hair was red and dense, covering all of her head and ending in a perfect bun at the back.

"Ah, hello?" Kate asked, consciously pulling on the strands of Rick's pants to stop them from falling to the floor.

"Good morning, darling." The lady answered, a bright smile on her face. "Is Richard here?"

"Richar..." She didn't know any Richards, Rich... "Oh, Rick! You mean Rick Castle?"

"Yes, although I prefer to call him Rodgers. But don't tell him that." The lady chuckled, fixing the gold-like purse that hung from her shoulder. "Well?"

"Well what?" Kate asked and furrowed her brow, completely struck by the elegance t that the woman posed. It only made her miss her mom much more.

"Is Richard here, dear?"

"Oh yeah..." Kate answered, "Sorry, he's sleeping at the moment. But if it's an emergency, I can go wake him up right now."

"Would you please?" The woman smiled again, a sweet, caring smile that managed to travel to Kate's face as well. "Tell him his..."

"Mother?" Rick mumbled behind Kate, scratching his tousled hair.

* * *

 **If anyone needs to talk about the events from yesterday morning, feel free to message me at any time. We all need the support.**


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